So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
