Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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