I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
