So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
