Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
