I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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