the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
