2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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