i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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