she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
