fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
