Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
