I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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