What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
