I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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