there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
