Me too!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
