After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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