She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
