I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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