She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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