i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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