What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
