K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
