Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I touched a dick in church today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
