i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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