Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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