normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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