if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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