do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
