I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
