i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
