just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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