I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
