tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
only if we run a train.
done.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
