Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
