somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
