We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
