That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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