I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
