Will you blow on my dice?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
