why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
