In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
