Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it was like eating out sand paper
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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