guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
