a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
