Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
