haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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