I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
