You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are we still banned from the library?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
