just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
